they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
