Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
