I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
