did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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