I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
