I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
