My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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