i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
