She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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