Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
