Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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