was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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