Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
