i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
