I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
