Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
