Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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