the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
