Say something about gay babies.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
