Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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