the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
