I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
