I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
