can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
