I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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