Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
