To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
a search helicopter?!
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
