your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
