Your face is a jimmy john
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
