I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
