Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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