We're facebook friends in real life
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
splinters make it hard to masturbate
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
