remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Everyone says I win the strip club
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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