i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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