I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
