saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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