Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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