I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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