next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize