I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
