If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
