yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
