there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
