You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
