god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
God, you're like boner-b-gone
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
