I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
