If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
