we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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