do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
organizing the empties. That sober.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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