she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
