I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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