i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize