I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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