His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
