I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
