I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
