they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm passing your future prison.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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