i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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