Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize