Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
