So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The Olympian is in my bed
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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