Pappa wants mamma naked
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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