I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
