omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
