Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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