when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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