she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
