Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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