wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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