Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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