Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
