i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
