Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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